Never Satisfied

Satisfying yourself.This term depends on how do you see the life through your eyes.Some of us can do this with tiny things and some of us need big things to do this.But eventually we all satisfy ourselves.Do we?Are you %100 sure?I don't know about you but I'm not that much sure.Because we are talking about humans in here.The creatures who can lose their controls over some things.And like so many other things we sometimes cant control our "Satisfying things".How we?Just keep on reading.

I've always admired the people who constantly fight for what they want and wish having better things.But sometimes we can bump into a problem about this.now,"Not being happy with the things that you have right now,till you have better ones"This is a big problem indeed.Because so many people are making themselves unhappy because of this.In their eyes,all the things that they have are not enough for them and sometimes they even see these things as a nothing.Because they focus so much on the better things that they want that they cant see the precious tiny things they already have.

Let's think about lovers who can see each other twice or three times a week at most somehow someway.But they always complain about this "Limited Time".They say "We cant see each other's faces enough!I wanna stay with you and hug you for hours.I don't wanna stay just for an hour...."And they make fights because of these stupid little things.But "They don't even have to see each other every day to be a lover They can stay away from each other for days,weeks... and despite these they can still love each other.Because distance and time mean nothing ıf there is a pure and powerful love"

It is not my business to judge but there are so many people who always try to have bigger houses,better cars,better mobile phones,better clothes,BETTER BETTER BETTER BUT WİTHOUT FEELİNG ANY BETTER?! Yes you can have a dream about having a big house in LA but ıf you have "a house" now and you are complaining about it like "This house is too small,I don't wanna live in here anymore,I'm ashamed of it...." then you are doing wrong honey.You should keep on dreaming about having a big house in LA but till then you should learn to be happy with the things that you got.Only that way you can be totally happy and only that way you can go after them.But ıf you choose other mess way,you probably will prepare your own death.

So make your decision!

Being happy with the things that you got

OR

Complaining about them constantly

                       

Forgiving (Not for me)

I have never been the type of person who hates people or bears a grudge in himself.Because I have always taught myself to love people no matter what they did or done to me.Everybody can make so many mistakes during his lifetime.And all of them are forgivable.Because hate can both damage me and the others.That's why we need to forgive and move on.Yes I always said this to myself.Over and over again!!And during my life I have experienced bad things,fights...But eventually I got over them and forgave both for me and the others.But I cant forgive one person in my life.I hate this "hate" feeling but I have had this feeling towards him since I remembered myself.I know I gotta to get rid of this feeling but you know I cant and I never will.Because the hate in me is towards my father.I don't like him and more I hate him.There is big big hate to him.I cant describe it.No love just hate!He has done so many bad things to us that I don't know how to love him.And I don't want to.Sometimes I wish I never had a father like this because I'm ashamed of him.There are so many people who lost their dad when they were too young.And I always think that this should have been different.Their fathers (I'm talking about the good fathers) are a good person but they are dead.Mine is shit but he is still alive!?They are supposed to live now not mine.But you know you cant change some things and I accepted that.But you know it is too hard sometimes.Sometimes he talks so much,yells at me,swears and things like and I'm used to hear these when he says to me but when it comes to my mom and sister things change! I cant put up with this.Because I hate seeing them like this.I know they are strong they are  used to this shit but I know they are crying inside and it is killing me more!Because I cant do anything anything anything! He is sick and we cant imagine how he are gonna act when we answer back at him.That's why we  have learnt to stay quite but sometimes this is so hard.And today it is the hardest! Because he is trying to intervene into my dreams.He is trying to ruin them.This is killing me.But I never gonna let this happen.No fucking way!I have been working for my dreams and never gonna let some asshole ruin this!I have got so many things in me.I'm angry,upset,worried...This is so tough but I'm tougher and I'm gonna through this with my mom and sister.I cant stay quite anymore.I cant do this.And I'm gonna figure this out someway.I will stay strong and never gonna let my asshole father ruin us.

                                                             

                                       Make a Wish from Bottom of Your Heart

We all be speechless during our lifetime.Sometimes when we get proposal,when we hear "I love you" from our lovers,when we lost someone,when we get something,when we see a celebrity and WHEN WE ACCOMPLİSH ONE OF OUR DREAMS! I literally experienced this last one today.Did how?Here is my story.

My story about İstanbul began a year ago.Whenever my friends and teachers asked me "Where do you want to go to university?" I always answered "İstanbul!" At first place I had no idea about how am I gonna live in İstanbul.I only thought about going there because I was under its spell (still I'm).And in time I've learned so many things about İstanbul both good and bad.And yeah sometimes I thought "I never gonna live in there I'm not good enough for it....." But whenever I felt the hope was gone I looked inside of me and be strong.Because I always think that I need to live in İstanbul! There is no other way for me.That's why I did my best to keep myself on track.Other than me there were so many people who encouraged me to not give up on my dreams! When I was away from those people there were so many songs which made me feel stronger and happy.And with ups and downs,we came to the day of exam.

On the day of my last university exam I through hard things.Actually at the week of my exam I through lots of things. All of these things and other things that I experienced during the year made me sick I guess.I was afraid because I didn't feel good.And I was wondering how I would over this exam.Because I had worked so much for it I was ready for it but you know I had a doubt about it and yes illness affected me so much! I couldn't do my best!But results were pretty good which gave me a hope for my dreams again.But there was a big problem! I was not sure ıf I would go there with my best friend or not! This was so important for me because she is my everything :) And back in the days we always dreamed about going İstanbul and doing the things that we cant do now....During this vague period we always hoped for it "Going İstanbul together" and we were not disappointed.(We worked for it so much and yeah I warned her so many times YES SO MANY TİMES about studying for university exams and she listened  my words after 10 or 11 times warning :D)
And today while I was sleeping I was awakened by a phone ring.I never thought this call was about results but it was.I got my ass from the bed and took my phone to listen Umbrella (Because I believe it brings me luck ).I was so excited  my body was shaking and after I saw "İstanbul" word on computer screen I was literally speechless.I broke down and cried.I couldn't say a thing.But my tears spoke on behalf  of my tongue.It was such a special moment for me....I had been waiting this moment for a year.And now it was here and I was so so happy :) 

Here is my success story :) During this period I've learnt so many good things and became better version of me! During these times I always believed in myself,I didn't give up no matter what the others said,I learned to motive myself for the the things that I didn't want to do,I learned to be my own best friend and most of all I made a wish from bottom of my heart! I believed it and here is the result.I hope my story inspires you :) I hope this story gives you a power for your dreams.Go after your dreams and always do whatever you wanna do and do your best to create a future that you always dreamed of :) If we don't go after our dreams then why the hell are we living? :D 

                                  Faith,power,luck and love to you all!

I'm sure almost everybody in this world experienced this "Unrequited Love" at least one time.I can hear your saying YESS! but my  YES is bigger because though I didn't count it (or maybe I did one time) I experienced this thing 12 or 13 times.Especially during my high-school life.But the hardest one is the first one without a doubt!It was too hard for me to through it because I cant call the back then myself as a though boy!I can call the back then myself as a person who always tries to make himself feel worse though there is nothing to worry about.Guess how I made myself feel sorry about it!But as people say "No pain last forever" and it didn't actually!After lots of crying and getting a last and stiff suggestion from my bestie I came to myself and I think this was the thing that made me strong and made me who I'm now!In time I managed to stop my tears,cast out the things that made me feel bad and found the power that I never thought I had.And this first cut have affected the other 12 cuts.It has kinna shortened the time of my overcome.

Yes it hurts so bad indeed.Love or call it whatever.It hurts so much at first place.But you need to know that you cant always get what you want.And when you cant you should let it go!You need to get it as fast as you can and do your best to move on with saying this to yourself "Yes I'm gonna love someone truly one day I believe this and till then I need to take care of myself because I'm important".You need to be happy no matter what.You need to find happiness within you.Neither the girl/boy that you like nor the others are gonna give you happiness If you cant create it on your own.Don't forget that at the end of the day you are gonna be on your own.Not the others,just you.So ıf you wanna sleep without space and in peace then find say "I'm happy,I'm precious,I'm important and I'm gonna find my first love one way or another"

From my heart to you all! 

The Voice Within...

Happiness..Though this word is easy to write,it is not always easy for everybody to find it.I have seen so many people who always try to make things worse instead of trying to survive from them.Yes we all get through so many bad things during our lifetime but there is no need for keep on mourning and feeling bad about these bad things.Yes in your first meeting with this bad things you can break down and cry till you don't have any tears to cry.But after this you need to learn lessons from your experience.You can't live your life with feeling bad and sorry about the past.You need to get over.You need to stay strong no matter what.You need to be happy.But you don't have to look for happiness far away from yourself.Happiness is always near to you.It is within you.That's why no one can help you If you can't find happiness and power within you.People can only give you a way but not the key of happiness.You can break up with your lover,you can lost someone,you can fail to pass your exams,you can lost your job....it is your right to feel bad about them but it is also your responsibility to through it as fastly as you can.It is not easy but easy never good.Remember!

People generally tend to make themselves feel worse.They link their happiness to ridiculous or big things.They say when they break up with their lovers "I never gonna be happy" Why the heck people think like this while there are so many good things to make us happy.You need to be happy because you are alive.You need to be happy because you can walk without any help.You need to be happy because you can breath....If you wanna be happy just open the window and look through the sky.And think about how lucky you are to see this great scene :) 

Happiness is precious so find it and never let it go!

Monday...This day used to mean so much to me and it was not just like the other days.It was special because when Mondays came,I went to school.Yes,yes I know this sounds weird because so many teenagers don't like going school in our century.But I loved so damn much.They have their own reasons for this but I got only one reason: My Friends! During my 4 years high-school life,they made it look good.They were always there for me (and still).We had a different world in school.I mean school was kinna shelter for us.No matter how hard things we through at home we all forgot about them all.We were like be isolated from our lives in school. In spite of our exams,tests,boring classes,some assholes... we liked school.And I will always love there.When I got back home from school I felt so lonely because almost nobody understood me at home.That's why I always spent my time with my computer.From morning to afternoon I was at school and from afternoon to night I was at home or prison. My life was going exactly like that and I don't remember when exactly I felt bored. Because there were so many things to do though so much of them about university exam which I hate but anyway these times were good indeed.Yes.We always said each other "On the one hand I want all of them are over but on the other hand I don't wanna stay away from us" But you know nobody can change the fate and now I'm here writing this with my loneliness and so damn miss these days! But nothing has changed.We still love each other and I have so many good friendships.And whenever I hug them I say to myself "Yes I have so many good friendships indeed" 

After reading this, If your friends came into your mind, don't stay in there like that! Call them and give them a sincere hug!
                                                   

                                                 To my friends :) 

Mission Accomplished

I guess I managed to been in state of peace today! Yes I did it thanks to cloudy weather in here.(Rainy weather would be better but whatever.) And now I'm keep on feeling it with Madonna's epic Ray of Light album.This was a quite normal Sunday for me as always.I stayed at home but just took my ass to outside for a a few walking.And the rest of my day was classic.But when am I gonna have a little different Sunday or Monday or Wednesday or yes it can even be Tuesday but I always wonder when?And my inner voice always says "So soon,honey" and this "Honey" really sounds sincere and that's why I always trust my inner voice about this.I'm waiting here for these different days to come and get me.They better be hurry because I'm freaking out.I can't find anything to do and at this times I  just grab my phone,listen Mariah Carey to sleep.It works indeed you can try it too but I need to find something to deal with.Yes Mariah,Christina,Riri... can make me sleep but They won't give me something to deal with so I need to find something by myself.And If you have any suggestion,just let me know! 

                                                              

                                                                 Peaceful days!