I Just Gotta Be "ME" Not Someone Else!

Oftentimes an irritating feeling starts to rush through my body, catches me vulnerable and manages to get me under its control.For a while I go to a harsh war with this evil feeling that wrecks me inside, I do my best to defeat it and send it into a complete darkness sometimes that works and I work through this lightly but sometimes I do not and let it keep ruin me one inside the other but at the end of it all thanks to this vicious feeling I find the right way, a right way to again remain myself "I just gotta be "ME" not someone else"

Whenever I see a successful social person I always say "I wish I were like her and were more active socially" or everytime when I meet a person whose writing skills mesmerise me tremendously I always say "I wish I could write like him and had an ability to use my language in more effective way" but everytime I overlooked the truth that actually I do not have to be like them or do not have to have lots of relatives or do not have to write exactly the same way they do or have  a dreadful capacity in writing because I'm beautiful as the way I am.Because my life is great as the way it is.Because my writings are brilliant and original  as the way they are. Trying to be someone else and always comparing my own life, skills and precious things that I have in my life with the other people's stuffs has always kept me off the line and kept me away from moving forward fast so now I have decided to get this shit out of my way :) You better try it too because you will see how peaceful and happy it makes you feel.

Life Is But A Dream

 Have you ever got lost and confused while you are trying to answer "What am I doing to get closer to my dreams?" Have you ever tried to define what life exactly is and found yourself having nothing in both of your hands? Have you ever thought that "Honey you are literally beating your brains out while you are trying to question your life" Have you ever felt like you are going down while you are trying to find out the meaning of your life? And have you ever noticed that while you think that you are getting closer to the core of your life, actually you are making no headway instead drawing yourself into the negativity, despair and confusion? I have done, said and felt every single one of these things.Yeah sometimes I found myself walking down on the street, looking around myself with blank eyes and hearing nothing but my screaming voice inside saying "What am I doing now? For what am I breathing for now? What is the life? What are my dreams? What have I done so far and what is my plan to move closer to my dreams? Come on answer it! But I have no answer...." But today I have decided to turn off this annoying sound that keeping me off the track and tried to find myself a different sound... a sound that will rise into my world like the sun. Because I have learned that life is like a dream and there is no time for questioning and dwelling on the things too much.

There have been always ups and downs in my life, like everyone I have also faced the ground so many times, cried so much, got angry and asked myself "How fair this life is?" "Why am I going through all of these on and on?" "What have I done to deserve to live all of these every time?" but there has been no answer for these, there will not be too.And afterall it was just silly of me to go deep down, question everything about the life and think that I SHOULD get what I want straightaway. I got so blinded by my desires that I could not see the precious things that I have in my life instead I wanted more, more and more because for me this life was unfair and I should have had what I deserve to have RIGHT NOW! But thank god in the end I have came to know that "This is how the things are going in life. Sometimes you wish,work and get what you want but sometimes your wish has never came into a life.Go and cry,slam the door,break something,hurt yourself but at the lenght you will see that none of your actions won't be enough to change this harsh reality. So why don't you try to enjoy this ride, embrace your life with both bads and goods while you keep wishing, hoping, striving for what you want instead of questioning the life, failing to satisfy yourself and ingratituding towards the precious things that you have got in your life? This life is like a dream and we both know that you will have to wake up in the morning so why don't you just grab your pillow,close your eyes and be ready to drop off? :)

  

Dedicated to Seray and Beyonce....One of my inspirations    

Not Gonna Give Up On Myself

 It has been a long time since I last put something here and now while  I'm looking over my shoulders to the past couple of months, I do realize that I have gone through so many things, seen different sides of me, had to get into a tough battle with myself and always felt a big need to share. So now I am back.. back to bring them all down, back to soothe my heart, back to not go back to the square one, back to not give up on myself. 

Farewell 

(Somebody is gonna miss you)

During our lifetimes we always have to say "Goodbye" to so many things.After all of the bad and good days,we have to say "Goodbye" to our lovers when we don't see any future.Maybe because of jealousy,anger,fight,betrayal,distance,poor opportunities... we have to say "Goodbye" to our friendships so many times.To accomplish our dreams,to live our lives the way we feel like,to get rid of the trouble,to feel free,to keep education.... we have to say "Goodbye" to our families,homes,rooms,beds...After months of hardworking we say "Goodbye" to our jobs when it is a holiday time and when it is time to get back to work we say "Goodbye" to chilling,doing anything,beaching unwillingly..As you can see there are so many "Goodbye moments" in our lives both for good and bad reasons.But  for me there is only one fact ıf you are 18 years old "You will say "Goodbye" for a good reason honey"

Since I knew myself,I have never loved saying goodbye.And today I have to say "Goodbye" to so many thing that I love!Today I will hit the road to go to İstanbul.I have been dreaming and working for this for a year and finally I'm getting it.Till today I really didn't notice how hard it is to leave so many things behind.While I was studying,I always said myself "I wanna get out of here! I don't wanna live in here anymore!I wanna see new places,meet new people,experience new things..." Yes I still wanna do them all but you know even ıf I wanna do them all badly,I don't wanna leave the home as well.Though there are so many good reasons to make me stick around here,the other reasons that make me say "Just keep on going" are better in my eyes.Because till when I'm gonna lean on my family and live like this?I need to stand on my feet now.I need to learn the things that  my parents always do on behalf of me.I need to see so many bad and good things and make mistakes to learn something.I need to see so many people to expand my viewpoint.I need to work,sweat,break down,cry and stand tall again.And for these I need to go and say "Goodbye".

One way or another you will have to say "Goodbye" too but don't get caught up in this drama so much! Remember that you will leave them for a good reason,for better life,for your dreams.You need to focus on this and need to do your best to move on.As long as you are a person who always tries to stay strong,happy,hopeful,positive and patient,you will get the feedback and these "Goodbye moments" will only make you smile in time.Focus on your new life and try to smile back to your old life

"I'm selfish,impatient and a little insecure.I made mistakes.I'm out of control and at times hard to handle.But If you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

-Marilyn Monroe

I always believe that one of the best ways to be happy and free is definitely surrounding ourselves with people who make us happy,who we can lean on and open up our hearts without second thoughts.And most of all who love us unconditionally.Though we need to be with people who really care about us,sometimes we try to make people,who don't care about us at all and don't take us as we are,love us.We try to be close friends with them or try to fit into their worlds instead of acting like the way we feel.Though something inside us says "You are not like those people,you talk and act like someone else when you are with them.Just because you want to fit in something,you are trying to avoid your emotions,thoughts,believes...Why do you do this to yourself?" And this inner voice talks the right shit honey.

During my life time, I've seen so many people and spent times with them.Some of them didn't mean so much to me but some of them did and  they are  still so so important and special for me.But so many times I also tried to act like someone else to spend my time with people who don't deserve me at all.Because of so many reasons I tried to act like them and when I was with them I pushed myself.Though everything was crystal clear and I knew I didn't belong to here I keep acting.And one day before making another faking,I questioned my heart and asked myself "This is who really you are? Do you feel that way indeed? Are you comfortable with this?How long will you keep doing this shit?"And that was my confession time.Though so many of you can see these times as a mistake,waste of time or something to regret,I never think like that.Now and always I will thank all of these people who helped me experience this and helped me learn "I need to surround my world with people who make me feel happy,free and who take me as I am"

So let's make a confession to yourself.Think about people who you care about so much.Ask yourself ıf they really deserve this care?Ask yourself ıf you are totally happy and peaceful when you are with them?They can enjoy and make you smile when you are looking for a reason to smile? They take you as you are and respect your past and choices?I hope your answers are yes,yes,yes and yes but ıf not then stay away from them.Don't give love,care and affection that you always give them.Don't try to act like them.You don't have to act like someone else to fit in somewhere.You just need to be yourself.You don't have to change yourself or be ashamed of yourselves,your choices,your mistakes,your family,your emotions...You need to find people who embrace you with all of these things.Living alone is always better than living like someone else.So make your decision and listen to your heart carefully.Be brave to be totally yourself.Quit faking and come out of the their shadow.Step into your bright true world.As long as you are honest about yourself,you will find people who really deserve your love.You are precious,one and important.Remember this and fill your world out with people who are as precious,one and important as you are!

Let The Bad Go Away

Sometimes we all get caught up in our emotions and feel bad things towards people.This can be anger,jealousy,hate...And whenever I feel one of these emotions intensely,I hurt myself inside.At first place I cant control it.Because you know I'm so angry at someone that I cant see the bright side of the situation.But this time I realized that this is nothing but a waste of time.2 days ago I was so fucking much angry at someone.I didn't want to see him and even wanted him to die! I was saying to myself "Why the hell is he living still?! He doesn't deserve to live! So many innocent people are dying but he is still alive and doing bad things to me!"Yes I still don't like him.And still don't think he deserves to live like this.Still I don't like him and don't wanna see him everyday.But after all of this anger and hate I saw that I cant do anything to change this situation.All I can do is just follow my dreams and go away from him.And I'm so closer to do this now.So why the hell should I feel these bad emotions and let these ruin me!?

So I decided to feel nothing.Instead of feeling bad things towards someone and making my mind busy with all of these things,I decided to just let them all go.I know myself and my heart always says "Love people and spread the love" So how can I let bad things flourish within me?

So let's try to get rid of your bad emotions step by step.All you have to do is just cut dead grasses and plant alive seeds on your heart.Feel anger,hate,jealousy... but also know how to deal with them! Experience all of these emotions but don't let them ruin you.Just close your eyes,make your decision and let them all go.After this you will feel happiness and peace.You don't have to live with these loads just find a trash to unload them all.Keep living with free mind 

Fly like a bird with no worries...

Rule 2: First Change Yourself To Change This World

We all want something from universe.We all want to change something about universe.Some of us want to see the world full of peace.Some of us want to see happiness all around the world.Some of us want to share love and respect to the world.Some of us want to take poor people's life higher.Some of us want to help people who have issues about themselves like self-harm,suicide,mental illness...Some of us want to encourage people about their dreams.Some of us want to see "real freedom".Some of us want to meet good people and have true friends.And couple of requests like these...But how can we accept all of these good things without seeing all of these good things within us?

I always believe that ıf you want something good from universe you need to show something good to it.If you want to see happy world,first you need to find happiness within yourself.If you want to see peaceful world first you need to feel peace all over your body.If you want to see love and respect from people first you need to find both of them and show them to the world.If you want to help people,first help yourself about your issues.If you want to give people strength to get over their issues like suicide,self-harm... first you need to discover the hero that lives within you.See,we cant get what we want unless we change ourselves.We cant see the world that we want without starting revolution within us.

Everything in this world depends on us.If you want to be happy today no matter what,yes you can be.But also ıf you force yourself to be sad,yes you can do this too.Though recovery is not easy at all,ıf you really want,you cant beat the evil that living within you or keep harming yourself.Though there are so many reasons to stay strong and hopeful,you can choose the dark path.The way you control and change yourself,you can control and change this world.

Now find somewhere to sit and be ready for the trip to your heart.All you need to do is focusing on yourself.Now it is time to evaluate and judge yourself.Open up your heart to yourself and lay all of the bad and good things down.According to your dreams and the world that you want to see,rebuild yourself.Say"I want to see this world like... and I need to get rid of these bad things"After this you will feel pure peace,happiness and strength to go after your dreams.Don't forget that ıf you cant change yourself you cant change this world.So stand up and take a step for world!